Chris' hair

So Chris is now saying that he never made an agreement regarding his hair, there's nothing in writing, etc. In other words, he's backing down and demonstrating his inconceivable and unbalanced love for his own hair. Now I've known guys who love their wives hair, or their daughter's hair, maybe they even like to run their fingers through their dogs fur. But Chris has gone way too far in his love for his own hair! I need to know that I have the support of the entire youth group, the Zawiski family, and the local police - because we will shave that boys head!! It's only a matter of time! Chris, if you are reading this, I implore you as a friend and as your pastor; make it easy on yourself and be resigned to your destiny! Don't make us do this the hard way. We'll give you whatever support you need once the hair is gone; you can borrow our hats, we'll turn up the temperature when you come to visit so your head doesn't get cold, and we'll do our best not to laugh when you walk in the room!